conundrumation

2012-01-18T21:25:00.000-08:00

Everyday I disappoint myself!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2011

2012-01-09T20:43:00.000-08:00

I wanted to write this one even before the close of 2011 but couldn't manage to. Writing has become a distant dream. I wouldn't say short of time, but short of will I am now-a-days, will to do anything in life - be it higher targets at work or new year resolutions or even speak my heart out but that's a different chapter. Today 2011 it is!

2011, I can officially confirm, is the most eventful year of my life - good or bad I don't know yet coz it was full of success and failures, equal in intensity and many many 'for the first time'rs.

From achievements
To failures
Or trips (outside Delhi, even India)
To recognition
Success
Celebration
Loneliness
Discomfort
Distance in relationships
Irritation
Loads of work
Meeting so many people
Realization
Self assessment
Gaining (more) weight
Joining gym (and quitting)
Using cosmetics
Late night parties
Drinking
Tears
Losing touch with all friends

There is so much more to 2011 than just these single words.

Hitherto, I had never quit anything which I started, I do procrastinate but I meet deadlines, 2011 saw me as a quitter. I started and abandoned so many things like a loser!

2011 - I wouldn't mind re winding and replaying you again :)

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2011-11-01T08:50:00.000-07:00

Layi vi na gayi te nibhai vi na gai!
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2011-10-29T23:27:00.000-07:00

"Everyone is genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid" - Albert Einstein

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2011-10-29T08:39:00.000-07:00

You know I'm not dead yet,
Coz tears are still flowing,
I know you're done yet,
Coz hatred is still growing.
Don't talk to me, don't say a word,
All you say is only humiliation,
It brings down my entire world.
:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2011-10-29T08:30:00.000-07:00

"I'm not dead yet till my eyes have tears fresh!" @ a-dum-rated soul
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2011-10-29T08:11:00.000-07:00

Humiliated
Insulted
Abhored
Incompetent
Dead

is what I have become....

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2011-10-24T11:52:00.000-07:00

Want to end this journey now and start afresh! Seriously!
Its diwali, everyone is rejoicing and I'm just here cursing myself in tears!

Why god? Why me? Why the fuck?

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2011-10-08T13:17:00.001-07:00

I'm a bad girl..I spoil everyone's mood!I should be a loner!leave me or alone or let me leave everyone else alone..please guide me God..I dunno what to do!!
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2011-09-30T10:19:00.000-07:00

I might smile,
But inside I'm deeply hurt.
Hidden emotions,
I wanna run away from this world.

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2011-09-08T22:54:00.000-07:00

I held my tears,
The sky let loose its!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2011-08-07T06:14:00.000-07:00

Apne mukaddar ka to mil hi jayega khuda!
Wo cheez ada kar jo kismat me na kar!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2011-07-31T11:43:00.001-07:00

I've lost my purpose for life - need counseling! Seriously!
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2011-07-23T12:12:00.000-07:00

After a long time I experienced Rain! Usually in office, closed tensed environment I don't even know when it rains. Today, I got wet in rain. I didn't like it initially maybe coz I was holding myself back; but later, when I let myself free, I loved it!!

I remember the old days now when I was so much in love with rain, and also the moon!!

And also - after a long time I enjoyed Saturday at home! Long weekend for me!

I'm rediscovering myself. I think I need to be alone for sometime and away from this crude bad mocking world!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Another Aborted Poem

2011-07-22T23:15:00.000-07:00

Some work for money,
Some work for fame,
I work, live, do all,
Only for one name!

Is it right?
Is it not?
Am I going against the plot?
Who decides whether or not?

Love is an illusion,
Love is no conclusion,
I still can't believe it is true,
I still can't believe it wasn't you!

Going away or coming back,
Seemlessly all fit the jack,
I don't fit in this coldness,

---Aborted---

2011-06-13T19:13:00.000-07:00

I can feel the same fragrance..it revives all those feelings, memories, emotions!

Where are they now! Bring them to me - soon, very soon!

Knowing about a budding romance - is the best feel ever. Congrats @ Alien!
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2011-05-31T11:22:00.000-07:00

Recent discovery: You can hide things from me with utmost ease! I'm a fool cherishing years of togetherness and openness! What a fool I always am!!!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2011-05-16T10:38:00.001-07:00

Shaam se aankh me,
Nami si hai...

Aaj fir aapki
Kami si hai!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

No Longer

2011-04-29T11:54:00.001-07:00

And the smile means I'm happy
No longer

And the dryness in the eye means there are no tears
No longer

And sealed lips mean a content mind
No longer

- abandoned -

A cut stops hurting only because of numb muscles or a blood clot! #adumberation

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Unconditional Love?

2011-04-23T11:01:00.000-07:00

There is nothing called "Unconditional Love", or I haven't come across that thing, neither while I love nor while I'm loved!

It's an extinct bird that's more heard of, than seen. Love unconditionally and live peacefully, but is that possible? Has someone around me done it?

I see people moving out of relations, relations going through hard times, if love were truly unconditional, would break-ups really exist? Not atleast as often as we encounter them!

I don't know how to love, how to express, how to unveil my feelings - without hurting the other person. Many-a-times, I prefer not to - does that mean I'm compromising? Or does that mean 'I accept you inspite of our differences!' Is that called unconditional?

I'm trying to understand, what is this word that gives people's thought a refuge? "Only if I love unconditionally, will I be able to live peacefully!" Really?

I do want you to call me - as bad as mad I get when you don't!
I do want to spend time - as much as I hate to waste it quarreling when I do get it!
I do want to speak to you - as much as I force that silence between us!

But yet, I wonder, "only if I knew how to love you unconditionally, would we make a perfect twosome!"

I want to rewind my life and go 4 years back in time - only if that was possible! Only if.....

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

FairyTale

2011-04-18T10:16:00.000-07:00

Not in the best phase of my life, when I was just looking outside my car's window and contemplating, 'why isn't my life a fairytale?', I realized

Fairytales aren't tales of smooth fancy lives! They're actually examples of life's hardships handled ordinary people in an extraordinary way and when they're able to conquer destiny (or meet it) they live truly deserved 'happily ever after'!

My life is a fairytale! And I will make it 'happily ever after'! :)

~ wants conundrumation/adumberation to kidnap me back!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2011-03-29T11:02:00.000-07:00

Lonely,
I am Mr.Lonely,
I have nobody to call my own!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2011-03-27T20:48:00.000-07:00

Irritated to d core..I feel like shouting myself to death!
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2011-03-20T07:46:00.000-07:00

My kyu karu?
Y d f*ck should I?

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2011-02-21T20:21:00.000-08:00

My headfones are almost like oxygen pump for a breathless soul!!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2011-01-20T22:06:00.000-08:00

There was love, and there was love!

There's a show on 92.7fm which runs between 9-10pm, it made my heart skip a beat! Beautifully planned and executed!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2011-01-19T08:12:00.000-08:00

baat pe baat pe baat kehta hai,
Mere andar ek shehar rehta hai!
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Happy New Year 2011!

2010-12-31T21:41:00.000-08:00

2010: wasn't so good, personally and professionally!

31st Dec 2010: BESTEST new year's eve I've ever had! Super amazing! I wish the feel continues for the whole of 2011 coz I wanna rock rock rock it :)

New year wishes for everyone (even the bots) crawling through this silly space of mine!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-12-05T04:38:00.000-08:00

If no one pampers you, pamper yourself!!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-12-03T10:00:00.000-08:00

I just hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it!!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-11-29T10:10:00.000-08:00

Running 102 - drove 50 kms to n fro frm office, worked for 5-6 hrs, attended n engagement in d open - I feel strong!!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-11-25T08:08:00.000-08:00

Buy me a song
Make that all night long!

With some violen and piano,
And romance some strong

Buy me a song
Make that all night long!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-10-11T11:51:00.001-07:00

There was time when void was just a word for me.
Life was all exciting and fun everyday,
though even then I wanted more to come my way,
Today, I feel is more intense void,
I feel deeply empty, unhappy - devoid!
Then, I had words, I could mould them in stories or in poems,
Now I have lost those as well, now they're not

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-10-06T21:02:00.000-07:00

Tears are my best friend. They're there when I deeply need someone! In moments of utmost sadness and utmost joy!

There are so many times when you want to walk out on life, but chains hold you back. Chains of life, chains of relationships, chains of responsibilities, chains of unfulfilled wants, chains of desires, chains of cowardice and chains of fear!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-09-26T11:23:00.000-07:00

I feel the urge to write..I have much to write about, but no time or the will..lazed..
Life is strange, it makes us go round and round around something we really want but later we see what we get is smthng totally diif..!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-08-28T11:05:00.000-07:00

Life is good without a driver (only for me, not for my car!!)

I want to meet old frenz..I want to do something different now, 25th years of my life are over! I should start making some rules / amendments for the next 25..though I know, now after some (read 5) years, I will count decades :P

In a 'care a damn' mode these days, want it to stay forever :):)

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-08-26T10:46:00.000-07:00

I have tears in my eyes right now,
I think I know why, I think I know how.

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-08-24T21:44:00.000-07:00

Hate myself!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-08-21T11:58:00.000-07:00

Kill your emotions, stay happy!
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-08-19T13:42:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I act strange - did u try to know why?

Sometimes I act weird - maybe that's when I cry

sometimes I'm unrealistic - prolly I'm a persona mystic.

Sometimes I expect - n that's when it un-perfect

Sometimes I only want you - but that can b when u may not want to!

Sometimes I have my wants - wish there was a wand to grant

Sometimes I desire - kill those to fulfil what you aspire

Sometimes I'm a normal girl - with a dream forced to hurl

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-08-13T11:37:00.001-07:00

Nothing can match 13 aug 2009..NOTHING!

13 aug 2010 was good too! Reminded me of all the beautiful memories! Memories for lifetime!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-08-07T11:51:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to understand that life is not a fairy tale, neither a movie!

And it HATE saturdays!!!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-07-23T11:39:00.000-07:00

It v difficult to live mute! Silent! Keeping all emotions within urself!

More so, when ur not used to it at all!!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-07-22T10:56:00.000-07:00

Parul mehta wants a change of hawa paani

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-07-19T11:52:00.000-07:00

'Mera dum ghut-ta hai waha'!!
I want to quit!!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-07-19T11:14:00.000-07:00

Life graph going down :(

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

I'm lost

2010-07-15T09:45:00.000-07:00

I need motivation! Life has become aimless now!!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-07-13T10:11:00.000-07:00

You may regret knowing a person that I am,
I just want to confess it wasn't meant to end that way!
I send my wishes along,
Wish you the best all the way!!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-06-28T07:53:00.000-07:00

Shuru ho gayi kahani meri,
Mere dil ne baat na maani meri..

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

24 june 2010

2010-06-24T21:29:00.000-07:00

Amazing day..
25june: it is raining. After a long long time I got wet in d rain..feelin amazing..

Praying that monsoons are here and the scorching is gone for the year!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-06-20T12:08:00.000-07:00

No matter how hard I try,
You always pass me by,
My efforts just go in vain,
I'm onlu left with hurt n pain!!
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-06-20T12:02:00.000-07:00

Lookin forward to..

3 years of togetherness :):)

Feels awesome!!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-06-14T08:48:00.000-07:00

Kuch namm si hai ankhein kalse,
Ab to inme dard bhi hone laga hai,
Tum kab samjhoge, ya humesha hi poochoge mujhse,
K ye udaasi kyu hai, mujhe hua kya hai?

Meri chuppi tumhe ajeeb nahi lagti,
Ya aajkal ye khamoshi ki humare beech jagah si hai?
Tamanna hai k tumhe batau, tumse kahu,
Kyu ye khamoshi, aajkal mujhe hua kya hai!

Khokhli ho chuki hu main, khaleepan ki adat si hai,
Honth b jaise sil se gaye hai...
Tum meri or bhi thoda dekhlo,
Yehi bachi akhri khwahish si hai!

Kuch namm si hai ankhein kalse,
Ab to inme dard bhi hone laga hai,
Tum kab samjhoge, ya humesha hi poochoge mujhse,
K ye udaasi kyu hai, mujhe hua kya hai?

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-06-04T12:23:00.000-07:00

Thukrao ab k pyar kro, main nashe mein hu!
Jo chahe mere yaar kro, main nashe mein hu!

It'll be 3 years since I started working. 6 june 2007! It changed my life and shaped my destiny.

The above 2 lines are just a reminder of an awesome ghazal I heard on radio and not to be related ;) main poore hosh-o-hawas mein hu!!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-05-29T13:37:00.000-07:00

Had the most amazing evening of my life!!
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-05-15T12:55:00.000-07:00

People look forward to weekend! For me all 7 days are the same! Nothing to look forward to..

I wish I could someday get to talk to you about all these things that stir within me..

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-05-07T09:11:00.000-07:00

Tere Baare mein jab socha nahi tha,

Main tanha tha,

Magar itna nahi tha!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-04-24T10:11:00.000-07:00

There is so much I want to say,
Just cannot find the right time and way,
I do not intend to disappoint you,
People in my circle are quite a few.

I feel disappointed, sad, worthless.

I do not want to give up yet.

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-04-11T08:04:00.000-07:00

When my turn comes,
Either your phone is outta battery, or you are!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-03-24T12:17:00.000-07:00

Can u read it in my eyes,
Those feelings that I pretend to hide.

While sitting across the table,
I am sometimes just not able,
To look up to you
And say words a few!
Can u read it in my eyes,
Those feelings that I pretend to hide.

The silence between us begins to shout,
Story of emotions dying to come out,
Look at me for once,
Give me just a single chance.
Can u read it in my eyes,
Those feelings that I pretend to hide.

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-03-20T09:14:00.000-07:00

@ alone it feels so weird
I said something,
Someone wasn't interested
Someone didn't respond
Someone had no time
Someone was far
I started cuttin off slowly slowly

I'm alone now

I want to talk but I don't even see someone in vicinity.

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-03-14T04:10:00.000-07:00

I loved my shadow until I realized it did just d opposite!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-03-08T11:48:00.000-08:00

Dil aaj seene mein dhadakte hue maang raha hai ek dastak,
Aaja tu aaja, ho jaye poori iss dil ki hasrat!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-03-08T11:16:00.000-08:00

There's a void I need to fill,
Of some extra feelings I killed!!

(I like my thot :D)

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-03-06T10:14:00.000-08:00

Sometimes there is so much to say..but no1 to hear..
Sometimes I hate my life..for what I have made of it..
Sometimes I just want to kill myself!..but I don't have the guts to..

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-01-29T08:21:00.000-08:00

Jabse dil tootne ki awaaz suni hai,
Tanha ho gaya hu is khamoshi mein!!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Ishqiya

2010-01-29T07:52:00.000-08:00

A muvi compltly abt love! All about love and its flipsides..

Liked it!! If I were the old me, I would've loved it maybe!!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-01-26T07:58:00.001-08:00

There is a void, that needs to be filled..
I want to be left alone, completely alone..

Silence..maun..how possible is that?

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-01-25T11:09:00.001-08:00

Headaches!
I'm growing used to them now. My day starts with it and ends with it!!

I want to go..away..

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-01-18T21:09:00.000-08:00

"Bujh gayi aag thi,
Daag jalta raha.."

Awesome lines!
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-01-16T08:17:00.000-08:00

Bad bad mood..I'm too lazy/tired to type and not at all in the mood to talk..
Like this, I may loose what I'm left with too.

Driving gives me peace these days. Though I have scratches and dents all over my 2 month old car but driving is something that puts my mind off everything else.

I don't know if I would like to sit down and read, or listen to music, or *** (*** is a word that means sit down in solitude and think, damn I've lost my vocab too)

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-01-15T09:46:00.000-08:00

I think m going back to my usual self..I speak NOTHING about what's goin in my mind, heart and soul!
I'm with the world with a smile on my face.
I wish I put all emotions into words on paper.

Writing emotions down, I believe does justice because said words are easily forgotten and often misunderstood.

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-01-13T10:58:00.000-08:00

Tequilla and lime
And some spare time

Are what I miss the most prolly :P

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-01-08T10:09:00.000-08:00

In a mood to chat..no1 to talk to!
So I stay mum..and try to sleep..

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2010-01-07T09:25:00.000-08:00

Some years back, I had taken refuge in words. I spoke to them, I spoke through them, I danced with them and smiled with them. I laughed with them and cried with them.
I never trusted people whole enough, I found a mate in soul enough.
Suddenly, I saw people, I thought my soul met its mate..
I laughed with them, I found my fate,
And then..its black,
I can only hear, see no one!
I wanted to speak, I wanted to laugh,
I didn't know who would hear, I had no clue who would talk..

I find refuge in words once again,
One lost soul, looking for its mate in pain..

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

काँच की बरनी और दो कप चाय

2010-01-07T00:29:00.001-08:00

जीवन में जब सब कुछ एक साथ और जल्दी - जल्दी करने की इच्छा होती है , सब कुछ तेजी से पा लेने की इच्छा होती है , और हमें लगने लगता है कि दिन के चौबीस घंटे भी कम पड़ते हैं , उस समय ये बोध कथा , " काँच की बरनी और दो कप चाय " हमें याद आती है ।

दर्शनशास्त्र के एक प्रोफ़ेसर कक्षा में आये और उन्होंने छात्रों से कहा कि वे आज जीवन का एक महत्वपूर्ण पाठ पढाने वाले हैं ...

उन्होंने अपने साथ लाई एक काँच की बडी़ बरनी ( जार ) टेबल पर रखा और उसमें टेबल टेनिस की गेंदें डालने लगे और तब तक डालते रहे जब तक कि उसमें एक भी गेंद समाने की जगह नहीं बची ... उन्होंने छात्रों से पूछा - क्या बरनी पूरी भर गई ? हाँ ... आवाज आई ... फ़िर प्रोफ़ेसर साहब ने छोटे - छोटे कंकर उसमें भरने शुरु किये h धीरे - धीरे बरनी को हिलाया तो काफ़ी सारे कंकर उसमें जहाँ जगह खाली थी , समा गये , फ़िर से प्रोफ़ेसर साहब ने पूछा , क्या अब बरनी भर गई है , छात्रों ने एक बार फ़िर हाँ ...... कहा अब प्रोफ़ेसर साहब ने रेत की थैली से हौले - हौले उस बरनी में रेत डालना शुरु किया , वह रेत भी उस जार में जहाँ संभव था बैठ गई , अब छात्र अपनी नादानी पर हँसे ... फ़िर प्रोफ़ेसर साहब ने पूछा , क्यों अब तो यह बरनी पूरी भर गई ना ? हाँ .. अब तो पूरी भर गई है .. सभी ने एक स्वर में कहा ... सर ने टेबल के नीचे से चाय के दो कप निकालकर उसमें की चाय जार में डाली , चाय भी रेत के बीच स्थित थोडी़ सी जगह में सोख ली गई ...

प्रोफ़ेसर साहब ने गंभीर आवाज में समझाना शुरु किया –

इस काँच की बरनी को तुम लोग अपना जीवन समझो ....

टेबल टेनिस की गेंदें सबसे महत्वपूर्ण भाग अर्थात भगवान , परिवार , बच्चे , मित्र , स्वास्थ्य और शौक हैं ,

छोटे कंकर मतलब तुम्हारी नौकरी , कार , बडा़ मकान आदि हैं , और

रेत का मतलब और भी छोटी - छोटी बेकार सी बातें , मनमुटाव , झगडे़ है ..

अब यदि तुमने काँच की बरनी में सबसे पहले रेत भरी होती तो टेबल टेनिस की गेंदों और कंकरों के लिये जगह ही नहीं बचती , या कंकर भर दिये होते तो गेंदें नहीं भर पाते , रेत जरूर आ सकती थी ...

ठीक यही बात जीवन पर लागू होती है ... यदि तुम छोटी - छोटी बातों के पीछे पडे़ रहोगे और अपनी ऊर्जा उसमें नष्ट करोगे तो तुम्हारे पास मुख्य बातों के लिये अधिक समय नहीं रहेगा ... मन के सुख के लिये क्या जरूरी है ये तुम्हें तय करना है । अपने बच्चों के साथ खेलो , बगीचे में पानी डालो , सुबह पत्नी के साथ घूमने निकल जाओ , घर के बेकार सामान को बाहर निकाल फ़ेंको , मेडिकल चेक - अप करवाओ ... टेबल टेनिस गेंदों की फ़िक्र पहले करो , वही महत्वपूर्ण है ... पहले तय करो कि क्या जरूरी है ... बाकी सब तो रेत है ..

छात्र बडे़ ध्यान से सुन रहे थे .. अचानक एक ने पूछा , सर लेकिन आपने यह नहीं बताया कि " चाय के दो कप " क्या हैं ? प्रोफ़ेसर मुस्कुराये , बोले .. मैं सोच ही रहा था कि अभी तक ये सवाल किसी ने क्यों नहीं किया ...

इसका उत्तर यह है कि , जीवन हमें कितना ही परिपूर्ण और संतुष्ट लगे , लेकिन अपने खास मित्र (friend) के साथ दो कप चाय पीने की जगह हमेशा होनी चाहिये

2009-12-17T10:28:00.000-08:00

PATHETIC!!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2009-12-09T06:07:00.000-08:00

Dew if falls night and day,
No one wud like it that way,
Tears if fall now and then,
No one wud know what hurt when,
Wid you if always,
My presence wud loose its grace,
Love if day and night,
Who would have time to cherish fight,
Strange!!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

[EDIT] Random rambling

2009-12-03T06:42:00.000-08:00

You know you're stuck in a jam when you move at red ~~green~~ signal and stay stagnant at green ~~red~~.

I am alone these days, and yet not alone..

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

...

2009-11-29T02:16:00.000-08:00

The chill in the air,
Coldness without love and care,
I just so wish you would have called,
Before this long separation had falled,
Unsaid words still with me,
Unseen tears till you come and see.

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2009-11-24T10:49:00.000-08:00

Blank
Frustrated
Helpless

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2009-11-21T08:54:00.000-08:00

Ishq di mere mitra pehchan ki,
Mitt jaye jadon zid apnan di.

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Read, liked, copied, blogged

2009-11-09T05:58:00.000-08:00

raanjha raanjha kardi ni mai, aape raanjha hoi.. raanjha kaho saheliyon, mainu heer na aakho koi..

*********************************

Ranjish hi sahi dil hi dukhane ke liye aa,
Aa firse muje chorker jaane k liye aa.

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

s!L3nT

2009-10-28T22:35:00.000-07:00

My lips are silent,
But I have lots going on in my mind, heart and soul,
Almost like a chaos there,
Loud voices, screaming n shouting.
Even when I sit alone,
I won't feel the loneliness because I have those voices,
Trying to listen to music, it soon fades and the voices take over..

What is it happening to me?

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2009-10-28T12:25:00.000-07:00

I can't guide, I'm lost myself,
Can't find the books on my own shelf,
Lost, down, sad, invisible I might not have been,
Silent, quiet, numb is what I feel!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Beggars and Helpless

2009-10-06T21:57:00.000-07:00

I don't know why but I have this sympathy towards 'kinnars', I maynot give money to an old beggar or a crippled man but I always give money to kinnars.

Begging has become a business. People genuinely act beggar-ish to snatch money and do something filthy with it.

But kinnars, they're rejected by our society, always an object of amusement for others. I've found myself always giving something to them. Once I have them Rs. 200 :-o

But I like to help in whatever way I could, because I know for sure, this is their only source of income. They're dejected and forced to live in a different society of their own. I don't even know if they go to school, working is a distant dream.
Now, I guess, its changing. When I saw one boldly come up in 'sach ka samna' I was glad, that maybe its changing, mentality and perception of people.

What derived this thought: sittin in an auto, I had 3 people come to me, a young girl, an old lady and a kinnar. Within like 5 seconds I handed a 10 rupee note to the kinner, shed of the old lady and scolded the little girl because she started poking my feet and was bloody rude!

One more confession, I'm scared of the notion tat 'inki bad-dua lagti hai'

I don't know if its just me or many people do it!!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2009-10-01T21:55:00.000-07:00

Sadness+daaru=feeling high!!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Unsaid, heartfelt..

2009-09-28T10:46:00.000-07:00

Let me speak my heart,
If not complete, maybe just a part.
Some of me is smiles,
Some of me cries,
Some of me hates it all,
Out of the blue I feel so small.
The sky tonight is blue,
I want to talk to u..

Come for sometime,
Don't stray, be all mine,
Let me speak my heart,
If not complete, maybe just a part.

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2009-09-27T03:41:00.000-07:00

Hectic, un-satisfactory life!

All messed up!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Connected!

2009-09-20T09:34:00.000-07:00

There are certain people, some place that you feel connected to..
--Truncated due to too many thoughts at d same time--

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Awesome Saturday Morning

2009-09-11T22:26:00.000-07:00

Very rarely do I feel like working on saturdays! With weather like this..NO WAY!! I want this auto journey to go on till eternity. Less traffic, awesome sapphire, little droplets of falling water on the front glass, and some makin it to me :)
Green,clean,cool,awesome!

I still have incomplete work inspite of working close to 15 hours!

Winter is just some months away and m so loving it. I badly want winters now. Nuf of this hot n humid Delhi summers! Dilli ki sardi chahiye :p

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

19 Aug 2009

2009-09-09T23:26:00.000-07:00

I had already got my gift so I wasn't really expecting much from this day. I started receiving calls pre midnight and spoke to frenz till 2 got me feelin nice!
Dressed up casually (nothing special) I went to parlour before office, got a nice haircut (though people hardly notice it) :p

As soon as I entered my part of the office, I had everyone standing up, singing happy birthday and clapping. Wow that was an amazing feeling! When I reached my table it was all decorated with flowers. I almost thought Tarang did it until he confirmed (in the afternoon) that he didn't. It was all done by my team. 3pm cake and snacks party all arranged by them again!

Then me n tarang went for Kaminey (Gold Class!!)

After that we came back to office and I cut another cake with Tarang's family. I felt so good when uncle n aunty came up. Felt blessed.

Then called up closest people (actually Tarang's closest frenz and somewhat mine too) we went to capitol, had a tequilla shot n a sex on d beach maybe :p

Went home, cut another yummy truffle cake that I bought for myself because lucky n mumma couldn't find 1 :D

Lotus n Nidhi called, best surprise calls of the day!

Went to sleep feeling lucky and special :)

Tarang gifted an LV again, yellow kalahari. Damn its awesome! Now I have an LV wallet plus an LV handbag! Woof :D :D

Yeah this is post is coming late, but I want to preserve these moments for life.

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Perfect weather

2009-09-09T23:08:00.000-07:00

Perfect weather for another blog post :)

Its been more than 12 hours since its raining continuously here. The weather, the scene, the feel, the look et al, have completely changed.

Ok firstly, Yesterday, 09.09.09: my first visiting card were printed! I was so excited n waitin for a week for these. Though the printer made mistakes in d design, it was worth it.

I want to pick my career up again and reach my goal. Don't know how far I am from it, don't know how near but I wanna go back to being a workaholic, that's d best way to live life. Work 16-18 hours a day, sleep feeling satisfied, tired n content! And yeah, earn money and go spend it :D

I've left touch wid myself, I've left sudarshan kriya. Want to start again but not desperate yet.
Maybe with it, I can stretch my limits further.

Frankly, past couple of months, I haven't been working for myself. I have just done a little less than what's expected from me like a usual employee. I haven't evaluated my performance in my own scale, I haven't made my own deadlines, I haven't planned or organized my schedule! Result: my team is having a gala time, I am running away from responsibilities and work is suffering.
I need to gather myself so that my team can perform. Started with the first step, I know my work and I'm working at it.

There is so much going in my life. This was d serious part.
The fun part is, after two years of our relationship, I'm in love with him all over again. Just to realize how lucky I am to have him.
We've got a new pair of frenz we love to hangout with, its so much fun!

Ah and yeah, this time I gave my birthday treat in Capitol, 5 star disc :D :D I feel so awesome!

Yes in the past 1 month (15 days to be precise) I've been to discs about 5-6 times, n tat too all 3 star, 5 star types.

I've gained lotsa weight. I need to start working on that soon.. :( losing weight is d hardest part. Hmmffffrrrppp.

And what else..I'm in love wid van heusan shirts, they're amazing.

All in all life has been fun since aug started. We cleared out our differences and that made life much better and then series of events. I'm stress-free so I think now is the best time to stress myself out working :)

I've been missing birthdays.
I dint call Taru on hers
Dint call Pooja Bhabhi
I dint call Aakriti
These are the ones m guilty abt coz I so wanted to but couldn't. Maybe I couldn't prioritize.

Nuf for this post I guess..

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Long time!

2009-09-01T23:52:00.000-07:00

Long time since I wrote here! My life has been so damn eventful..

Best 4 days of my life- 13 to 17 aug 2009
Marked in golden words in my life :)

19 aug- one of my best birthdays :)

23rd aug- worst misunderstanding ever!

More on this? Maybe! ;)

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2009-08-11T22:50:00.001-07:00

darkness is my illumination,
reality is my illusion,
questions are delusion,
life, utter confusion.

and then it rained..

2009-08-11T22:48:00.001-07:00

and then it rained,
of peace,
of war,
of love,
oh for!

smiles
yellow
grey
more..
and then it rained,
of peace,
of war,
of love,
all for..

freshness
clouds
darkness about,
and then it rained,
of peace,
of war,
of love,
oh for..

lightenin,
thunder,
cosy down under,
and then it rained,
of peace,
of war,
of love,
all for..

love began,
birds sang,
bang bang,
and then it rained,
of peace,
of war,
of love,
oh for..

2009-07-30T08:29:00.000-07:00

Masked is he, not even eyes bare,
Hand in hand, romantic sphere,
I see some of him here,
I see some of him there,
Full of compassion full of care,
Then ignorant, rageful flare,

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2009-07-30T05:45:00.001-07:00

I want to go back to the time when dawn was the most awesome part of the day, and rainbows lit up her space!

I want to go back to poetry!

2009-07-24T10:39:00.000-07:00

'Expectations are like weed without seed'

ME

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

2009-07-21T07:27:00.000-07:00

Hum labo se keh na paye unse haal-e-dil kabi,

Aur wo samje nahi ye khamoshi kya cheez hai!

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel