I don't know if I miss u because I love you or because I'm used to u..
You're like the drug that keeps me alive but has killed me from within..
My soul aches, my heart is wounded, I don't know what to do or say..

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I hate my life
I hate myself

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Everyday I disappoint myself!

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2011

I wanted to write this one even before the close of 2011 but couldn't manage to. Writing has become a distant dream. I wouldn't say short of time, but short of will I am now-a-days, will to do anything in life - be it higher targets at work or new year resolutions or even speak my heart out but that's a different chapter. Today 2011 it is!

2011, I can officially confirm, is the most eventful year of my life - good or bad I don't know yet coz it was full of success and failures, equal in intensity and many many 'for the first time'rs.

From achievements
To failures
Or trips (outside Delhi, even India)
To recognition
Success
Celebration
Loneliness
Discomfort
Distance in relationships
Irritation
Loads of work
Meeting so many people
Realization
Self assessment
Gaining (more) weight
Joining gym (and quitting)
Using cosmetics
Late night parties
Drinking
Tears
Losing touch with all friends

There is so much more to 2011 than just these single words.

Hitherto, I had never quit anything which I started, I do procrastinate but I meet deadlines, 2011 saw me as a quitter. I started and abandoned so many things like a loser!

2011 - I wouldn't mind re winding and replaying you again :)

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Layi vi na gayi te nibhai vi na gai!
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"Everyone is genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid" - Albert Einstein

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You know I'm not dead yet,
Coz tears are still flowing,
I know you're done yet,
Coz hatred is still growing.
Don't talk to me, don't say a word,
All you say is only humiliation,
It brings down my entire world.
:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(


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"I'm not dead yet till my eyes have tears fresh!" @ a-dum-rated soul
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Humiliated
Insulted
Abhored
Incompetent
Dead

is what I have become....

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Want to end this journey now and start afresh! Seriously!
Its diwali, everyone is rejoicing and I'm just here cursing myself in tears!

Why god? Why me? Why the fuck?


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